Thinking and overthinking

Thinking and thinking and overthinking... until you lose your mind. I guess it is an illness or a damned habit.  I have a problem with this mind, my mind. It thinks and thinks. It never stops. I thought it only stops thinking when am not awake. But this is only what I thought.. because it didn't! It thinks even when am sleeping, it awakes me from my deepest dreams to make me think again and again. 

This mind... it never stops. It ruins my whole energy it ruins my body and it never stops... It is unbearable but uncurable. It only leads to craziness. I can not stop it. I always try to.. but in vain. That is why I love writing. It is like emptying my thoughts on paper, but these damned thoughts never end.

I can not imagine how big my imagination is, infinity of worlds containing limitless stories with uncountable images, actions, people, objects, sounds, emotions and words. This mind of me, it always works. It is stronger than my body ,my tongue and my hand.

 Sometimes, all I want is that I can open this mind, and omit, delete, ruin, stop,and kill every single idea on it, every root of every thought. But I will not, because I can not. Am a writer, am meant to be a writer this is what I feel. But still I can not find the words. I feel unable to translate all these thoughts, all these ideas, all these questions, all this thinking.

I feel there is blanks. I feel there is deep black gaps in my mind where in between I lose all my ability to write one word or to link one idea to the other. These really are hard feelings, when everything turns to a terrible headache .. when your nerves betray your handwriting, when ideas refuse to leave your mind and just let go. When you only see chains in your mind, in your heart and in your hands.